Eye Look and Smile

Date: Sun, 27 May 2001 09:23:18 -0700
From: Diane, who wishes to remain annoymous
Subject: The eye-look and an embarrassing moment

Diane R wrote:

<<If a woman looks you in the eyes, give a nice
> >girl-smile back, and she'll return yours. Don't look
> >away nervously--women can read your mind from your
> >facial expressions. Don't stare back unsmiling--men
> >do that. Violating this little protocol will get you
> >read fast.>>


Vicky (?) replied:


> >The best way to change how you respond about this is
> >to understand WHY women smile back, and take it into
> >yourself. Women are taught to see everybody, and they
> >are obligated to know the feelings of everyone around
> >them, even if it isn't important in the context of
> >what they are doing. Practice on people. Care about
> >how they're doing, even if you aren't going to
> >interact with them. As a woman, you're expected to
> >know if the guy who bags your groceries is having a
> >bad day.


A very good point. I tend to take empathy for granted because it comes
naturally to me. It's the perfect way to make small talk, too.


I had to learn the eye-look and smile the hard way.


A little background: I go out into the real world regularly. For example,
last night, before hitting the club, I went to the drug store, the office
supply store, Starbucks, a bookstore, and Macy's. At Starbucks, a couple of
women asked to share my table. I love those little interactions.


I don't get read very often, but....About two years ago, I was strolling
down the Santa Monica mall, on a warm summer evening, on my way back from
dinner. About 7 men and women in a group were passing the other way. The
first woman looked me straight in the eyes. She was attractive. I gave her
a good long stare right back. In a trice, her eyes widened, and an
expression of complete surprise overtook her followed by an excited smile.
She then said "Oh, Hellllllooooo There!!".


A total, complete, public read! Aargh! The embarrassment! I kept walking,
and I could her excitedly tell her friends: "That was a man!" "No way!"
"You're kidding" "Yes, really!" Needless to say I got my little butt back
to my car ASAP.


--Diane