I will begin from the time that I first found out. In the month of November 1996, my whole world was blown up. I had known for a while that something was bothering my husband. I asked him what was wrong, but he said nothing. But I knew that was not true. After 24 years of marriage, I knew not to press him to talk about it.
Then one day he said he was coming home at noon to talk to me. With the look on his face, I asked him if he wanted out of our marriage? He said no. All morning, my mind ran crazy. When he came home, he took me out and we ended up at a motel. I just couldn't imagine what was going on. He sat me down on the bed and he sat on a chair beside me, and said this was the hardest thing that he had to tell me. It was at this time that he told me that he was a cross dresser.
For months, I had thought he was going to a professional meeting once a month, in fact he had been going to a support group meeting for cross dressers. The first question I came out with was, after almost 25 years of marriage, was it all just a lie? No, was the response.
What I thought was a good stable life was blown up, into pieces. We talked for hours, and to this day, I really can't remember all that we said. But I do remember that I just wanted to run away, but my husband held on to me tightly. Before we left the motel, there was one rule that we can never break. And that is, that none of our family or friends will ever know about this.
My husband had been well equipped with a lot of information about transvestites and cross dressers. He made me read some of the literature about the subject. It was not what I wanted to do at that moment, but I read through it to find out that what it was saying was just what I was feeling.
After hours at the motel, we went home, which was very hard for me as my mother lives with us. So I had to put on an act that nothing was wrong. For days, I was numb and lost. I lost everything, including who I was. I was hurt from the lies and my trust had been betrayed. Every night we talked until we just couldn't talk anymore.
One night all my feelings came out and that is when I started to feel better. I took one day by myself and did some very heavy soul searching. How much did I love my husband, how important our relationship was, and was I happy. The first two questions were easy to answer, with a positive answer. But I found that I was not happy with me or my life. For almost 22 years I gave up everything to be a mother and a housewife. To make sure everyone was happy.
When my husband came home we sat down and I told him that we need to make some compromises and rules that we both would feel comfortable with. In compromises, there was going to have to be three lives we share. Michelle's life (husband), as man and wife with family and my life.
After a couple of weeks of me knowing about my husbands cross dressing, I went to my first support group meeting. Two days before the meeting, we decided that it might be easier, if I met Michelle first. That was harder on my husband, than me. He was trembling terribly. All we did was sit and talk.
That is when I realized that Michelle was my husband. There was nothing to be scarred of. I was worried that Michelle would be a threat and would take my husband away. Then I figured out that she is my husband. Same thoughts, same body. I just decided no big deal. Michelle is just a name and the wig and the clothes are just that.
I went to the support meeting and felt terrible. They treated me as if I had the plague. I told my husband I would go to one more meeting and if I still felt the same, I would not go to anymore. Well, I went again and it was great. They were open with me and I enjoyed the whole night. I felt very welcome. When I go, I don't see men in woman's clothes, I just see human beings.
Now that a few months have gone by, we have a great relationship. People who have known us for a long time, have noticed a difference. Our children tell people that their parents are on a second honeymoon. It is really great. I have never been so happy in all ways. Now when we talk, my husband actually listens to me and not only from his ears, but from his heart. I was always afraid of saying things that might upset him, but not anymore.
When I am out shopping for clothes, I find myself looking for something for Michelle as well. We even laugh about me looking for a shirt for my husband.
With all this, you may wonder if I have forgiven my husband for the lies and betrayal. Not completely, as the hurt is very deep. There are times it comes to the surface, and I try to deal with it a little at a time until it is at rest. I don't dwell on it, as it would eat me alive. Hopefully, someday it will be all gone. I do however understand why he didn't tell me until now. Our love we have is very special and we are not about to give it up.
What helps to get you through this is to hold on to each other and don't let go. Be honest with your feelings to yourself and your partner . Once you find out how much love you have for each other, and what you both want from your relationship, you can start dealing with this together.
I find that I don't treat Michelle any different than my husband as he is one and the same, with some female feelings and thoughts. I am very proud of myself for how far I am in dealing with this. I usually take everything hard, to the point of making myself sick.
There are more positives, than negatives in this situation. Just enjoy each other and do it together. It does get easier. Keep in mind, respect for each other plays a big part in your life together, and there is always a reason for things happening in your lives.