The fixing of the mechanism requires some honesty. Although loss of drive is generally described as Exhibit A — The Problem, the truth is that more often, it's the other person's problem. A woman truly worried about loss of sexual desire would surely approach her doctor as a starting point. The fact is that it is more often the partner who complains about the evaporation of nocturnal action. If she shrugs her shoulders and does nothing about it, the loud, clear message is "I am not going to do anything about it — I'm okay with how things are."

• Am I in love with my partner?

• Are there any changes in my life, such as new kids, new responsibilities or maybe new medical problems?

• Did my dog just die?

• Is the electric bill more than three months overdue?

• Am I feeling good about myself (this includes width of thighs, acne outbreaks and promotion possibilities)?

• Am I feeling optimistic about those around me?

• Am I afraid of connecting sexually?

• Am I fatigued? Depressed?

• Is there anything new going on, something that wasn't there back when I could hardly wait to lurch upon my lover?

Other common boinking-busters are medical side effects of prescriptions — from anti-depressants to birth control pills — that can diminish sexual interest and arousal. These kinds of interactions should be discussed with your doctor, as many new drugs have emerged that have fewer side effects on the sex scene.

While you're there, you can get your body chemistry tested. Androgens are the "male" hormones found in the bodies of both men and women. After pregnancy, the amount of estrogen and testosterone in a woman's body falls, which can affect desire. A woman's androgen supply can also drop as she approaches menopause, which is why new approaches to replacement therapy are looking at the role of testosterone as well as estrogen. The findings so far say menopausal women have more sexual interest and fantasy when they have discernible levels of testosterone.

Then there is the other "chemistry," the kind between two people that can't be checked with a blood test. This can be considerable, adequate or nonexistent. When it is deficient, you require more fuel than when the "I want your body" feeling is simmering just below the surface. Even couples with great sex lives sometimes lose the feeling. This may be due to a number of factors — an energy-sapping medical problem, a partner who is somber or depressed, being at an angry or inattentive time of life or facing the pressure of unpaid bills and mounting worries. Or just a month of distractions.

Men as a group seem to be able to compartmentalize their libido from the rest of their lives more easily than women can. That is likely because women's arousal mechanism is different, especially after childbirth, when two new factors are added. First there is the storm of hormonal changes in her body, and next, the addition of a new being who needs constant care and attention and cannot be relied on to do a single action alone — unless you count pooping and crying. This means dealing with the deluxe combo of emotional responses layered on chemical changes that are out of your control, a body that has recently performed a stunning act of propulsion, and a new full-time job catering to baby.

Some women sail through these issues; others feel like they've been set adrift in a typhoon without a compass. Their partners can start looking like just another person standing in line and needing something, which is not exactly the recipe for a hot time tonight. The obvious solution to this dilemma is patience and a medical check-up followed by a re-romancing that may include setting aside together-time outside the parenting job, as well as time for personal pursuits for both her and him.

Another sex-drive killer is a crummy connection outside the bedroom. Connections between couples require a sense of motivation and adventure. A few people out there can enjoy the horizontal jiggle even when angry or distant from each other, but most humans like to set their naked bodies out with someone they trust and feel close to. If you once noodled secretly in the utility cupboard during your in-laws' 40th anniversary party, and five years later you can't find the time or wish to get intimate, your drive may be the casualty of less-than-monumental wiring during the day. Most of us prefer a thrilling, not chilling, connection before heading to the romper room. Too much work or other stresses are the most common causes for this Coital Consummation Calamity.

If a dehydrated sex life really bothers you, strap on a tool belt and a sense of humor and start fixing it. You may just need to talk to your partner, get a babysitter, consider medication changes or repair the relationship damage to get things back on track. If you do nothing but look for a new and approved medical term to call your lack of desire, it is unlikely to morph into a lusty vigorous rhythm on its own.