Guys, you've all had it happen to you.

Ladies, you know you've done it.

In the broad daylight of even the most platonic of relationships, this crime rears its ugly head. There is a victim, but no guilt. Even when caught, the culprits don't care. What is this injustice?

'Borrowing' clothes. You call it borrowing. We call it stealing. Yeah, you heard me. In every woman's closet, dresser, or underwear drawer, there is a shirt, a pair of boxers, or half a set of pajamas that some guy is missing. Don't shake your head. You know exactly what I'm talking about.

It starts at home, and young - little sister borrows her brother's sweatshirt or football jacket. Or, she bogarts Dad's old dress shirt because it looks like a dress on her. Next thing you know, she's got a finer collection of comfy flannel shirts than all of Seattle put together, more sweatshirts than a football team, and more men's boxers than most MEN own! It's sad.

And believe me you, brother, they don't discriminate.  Don't go thinking you're safe because you don't have a girlfriend. Moms. Sisters. Friends. When they talk to you, they're all looking past your face, over your shoulder, and into your closet for their newest addition. When they compliment you on a shirt, it's days are numbered.  And that just ticks me off. Why?

Look. You women already have more clothes than us.  Skirts, dresses, shorts, skorts, twin sets, culottes, slacks, khakis, jeans, flats, heels, blouses, sweaters, t-shirts, misses, juniors, ball gowns, nightgowns, bathrobes, underwire bras, overwire bras, no wire bras, miracle bras, blah, blah, blah. This is why, in a typical mall, you'll find TWO men's clothing stores, and 19,598 women's stores. And, you can't even tell the men's stores apart. I DARE one of you to tell me the difference between Abercrombie and Fitch, and Britches.

Even in a department store, women get 3 floors worth of stuff. Men's clothes? Bundled in with kids' stuff, housewares, and luggage, typically hidden in some back corner that you need a map to find, with that one gimpy guy working there. And when you reach this promised land, you know what they have?  Pants. Shirts. Shoes. Sneakers. Underwear.

So, for all that, for all the choices women have, and all the magazines devoted to what they should wear day-by-day, season-by-season, they still choose to steal what little we have. And you know how it happens, brother - just a few simple words:  'I like that.' 'That's niiiice.' 'That's cute - can I borrow it?'

Add a little of that 'puppy dog eye' thing that they were taught while we were busy making mud pies, and next thing you know, you're buck naked, watching the big game in your tighty whities because she stole your favorite TV-watching shirt and sweatpants. Or, she's wearing one of your dress shirts to clean the house, and using your 'intramural champions 1992' t-shirt as a dust rag. That's funny, since you just wore it last week and thought you put it in the wash.

And even when you break up, move away, or ask for your stuff back, they look at you as if you just arrived from the planet 'assmunch' with a second head on your shoulders.

'What shirt?' 'Didn't you give that to Goodwill?'

Or, the direct approach.

'No, you can't have that back.'

Oh yeah. I almost forgot. Some of 'em aren't even stealing your stuff to wear them. They're systematically trying to remove all your comfy clothes from your life.  You say your favorite t-shirt is 'worn in.' She says it's worn out. You say it's 'comfortable.' She says it's dirty. Next thing you know, all your socks match all your shirts, you're down to one pair of sneakers, and you'll be damned if you can find a baseball cap anywhere in the house. It's a conspiracy. Watch your back, and hide your 'party shirt.' Start chanting: 'Devil woman! Stay out of my drawers!'

Or, maybe not. On second thought, ixnay on the anting-chay.

There's nothing more surreal than seeing your favorite flannel boxers on a woman. Or watching her prance around the house in your favorite shirt. And they get away with it every time. Even in entertainment, it's widely accepted. 'Annie Hall' had a whole generation of women dressing in men's shirts and ties. Thanks to 'Flashdance,' thousands of mid-80's boyfriends lost their sweatshirts to girls who wanted to cut the neck out. They started trends. They dictated fashion. They emptied men's closets.

On the other hand, if a guy wears women's clothes, he's a freak. The police keep an eye on him. He makes the neighbors nervous. He ends up running the F.B.I...oops.  Anyway, even the movies make fun of it - 'Tootsie,' 'Mrs. Doubtfire,' you get the idea. And forget about setting trends. Even people who make a living dressing like women are a 'drag.' That doesn't even SOUND fun. Plus, there's apparently a lot of tucking involved that NO guy wants to deal with.

So keep your eyes on your sweats, Sam. Keep your hands on your boxers, boys.

But don't be too harsh, because the sad thing is, they look damn cute in 'em. Sometimes, cuter than us.

 That's the rant.

Author Bio:

http://www.womensforum.com/